Mozart: Domine, Jesu Christe from the Requiem Mass in D minor
With opera it’s so long I can never type what I typed above. But yes, it really is one down, on to go … and tomorrow by 5:00 I’ll be finished with Ravel (and Brahms). And I’ll be sad and missing it the next day, I’m sure. Of course things move on … so at 7:00 tomorrow night I have a woodwind quintet rehearsal. The fun never ends!
So how did tonight go? Hmm. I think it went well. I’ve been told it went well, too. But of course I need to hear that a number of times before I really buy into it.
But I’ll be honest (!) and say this: I think I played well. I really do.
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m uncomfortable saying (or writing) that sort of thing.
I ran into someone at the reception who missed the first half and he (jokingly?) said, “I’ll just have to check your blog to see how you did.” Or something close to that in any case. And of course then I worry! Do I write too much here? Duh … of course I do! Do I shock people with my insecurities? Probably. But I hope I also bring the reality of what we do closer to readers.
The musician’s life is a curious thing. Full of fear and bravery and insecurity and ego. It’s a very odd thing, really.
“The Day Of” is a difficult day sometimes. The Day Of is the time when you can’t get the music out of your head. The Day Of you don’t get much of anything done, as you are waiting for the performance. The Day Of your stomach might be a bit upset. The Day Of you sort of want to play. But not too much. And you might want to avoid using the reed(s) for the evening, for fear that something goes awry and it breaks or otherwise rebels. And yet if you don’t use it you worry that you’ll get to the stage and find out that it rebelled because it had been ignored all day. So you use it … but not too much. You hope. The Day Of you think of all the things that can go wrong, but attempt to focus on all that can go right. Usually the former focus is stronger than the latter.
Okay okay okay … take all the “you” and “yours” out up there and insert my name. Maybe you don’t deal with this the same way that I do, eh?
The Day Of is, in some ways, much more difficult to deal with than the actual performance for me.
Funny how that works!
I’ve been in this business since 1975, so I’m sort of used to The Day Of. But it doesn’t mean I don’t worry and don’t get nervous. Go figure. :-)
Just some fun music!
Certain harmonies and melodies have this odd pull on our heartstrings. They are like sad oboes or something, something that makes you want to throw all your money at the radio whilst yelling I love you.
I’m finally listening to the Renée Fleming CD, Verismo, that was sent to me (yes, for free; I’m supposed to acknowledge that here) to “review”. Everyone here knows I don’t actually review things; I don’t feel qualified and certainly don’t feel comfortable doing so. But I can tell you I’m enjoying the CD, and the little DVD sent along was fun to watch … especially for the three clothing changes (in the short DVD!) and hair styles Ms. Fleming does. :-)
Anyway, it’s quite lovely and she’s quite lovely and so there you go. Lots of loveliness. All in one small CD. ;-)
I can’t describe adequately enough how healing it can be to make music with others. There’s something almost hypnotic about it – the way we have to listen to each other and to ourselves, blend our rhythms and harmonies together, use sound and time, mathematics and physics, to evoke images and feelings and give life to a composer’s musical ideas. It’s a kind of consubstantiation; there’s something almost sacramental about it, a moving of breath and light through the small community we form every Thursday in our little room at a local college.
I read this here. T is a doctor. She is learning to play the oboe. And I love reading what she has to say about so many different things.
For her, it appears that playing takes her away from the stress of work that she has to deal with so frequently. Funny how what is a stress-reliever for her does quite the opposite for me. Not always, of course, but certainly this week!
I want that joy back. I absolutely love the Ravel works we are playing. I want to enjoy them and make good music and let everything else go. I wonder if I can manage. I’m hoping so.
Nobody should ever have to play oboe.
The top is so unflattering. That neckline is just making her look kind of like … an opera singer.
Today’s rehearsal was more comfortable for me, so I’m slightly relieved. I continue to not be completely happy, but the day I’m completely happy is probably the day I should resign. You know? :-)
I’m not having great success with reeds. My EH “issue” is that the pitch sags horribly on the G and G# above the staff. If I fix that issue, the reed is far too sharp. So I’m in ReedAgony™ and when I get to a certain place I know the best thing to do is step away for a while. So I am.
For those of you who are tired of hearing of my insecurities and reed woes, you can, after watching the videos in earlier blog entries, move on to Howarth Oboes:
“You have concert batons and rehearsal batons.”
Learn something new every day!
(I like that his sweater matches the stuff behind him.)
So while I’m busy carving and practicing and attempting to get myself back into confidence mode, please enjoy:
(No animals were harmed in the making of this cartoon.)
I have dodgy oboe music stuck in my head. Hello rainy Saturday.
… and I know it.
I take what people say to me quite seriously. If someone is criticizing me it can really hit me hard. And when someone I don’t really know well at all criticizes my playing I can easily become a wreck. Which is what I am right now.
At the same time I ponder, “Why was that said when it was said? Were his intentions good? And am I really that out of tune?!”
Yeah. Someone commented on my pitch last night. And now I’m a bit of a wreck.
Correcting another musician is a tricky issue. And it is especially tricky if you and the other person aren’t friends, but barely acquaintances. (The person who criticized is a sub in the orchestra.)
I want it to be Monday.
Three of our four rehearsals for symphony this week are in the afternoon. This is rare, and part of me enjoys it because it means I have free nights, but I have to miss two full days of students. Financially it’s pretty crummy, as I’m taking a loss … in order to get criticized. Ack! This just became worse.
Okay … an attitude adjustment is a huge requirement this morning. I have to convince myself that one person’s words can’t ruin my week. Let’s see how well I do.
And this morning? It’s a reed morning, to be sure. Turns out that the stage isn’t as happy with my reeds as my studio is. Not surprising. Just annoying.
