Encore! But without the coughs please

Midlife crisis moment No 25: spending Saturday night at an orchestra recital.

Dear lord, surely I am still too young to be listening to Poulenc’s Stabat Mater at the Royal Festival Hall? Whatever happened to clubbing? And what’s next: backgammon and scones at the Women’s Institute?

If you have never been to a classical music concert, and ever find yourself, like me, married to someone who seems to have become prematurely middle-aged overnight, then here’s a tip: don’t go if you have a cough. So uptight is the classical music crowd that one is only permitted to cough between movements, or whatever the hell they’re called.

Who knew? The consequence of all this repression is that, as soon as the last violin string fades, the entire audience breaks out in a loud, bronchial hack. It’s very disconcerting but also really funny. In the sober world of classical music, you get your laughs where you can.

I read it here.